11222017Headline:

5 Bacon Gifts that Made Me Go ‘Hmmm’…

by Jenny Hansen

Everywhere you look today, it’s bacon…bacon…bacon. My own brother (y’all know him as the Bag Ho’) thinks bacon deserves it’s own holiday.

And don’t get me wrong, I love it as a food group and could eat it daily. But capitalism runs strong in the US of A and some enterprising entrepreneurs have taken their bacon-themed products to a whole new level of sizzle.

Here are the five that stood out as the most creative, unusual, or just ‘WOW.’

 

Photo from EverythingsFunny.orgBacon Ice Cube Trays

These little darlings can even double (and triple) as a candy/candle/soap mold.

This was on Amazon earlier this summer as the Sizzlin’ Summer Bacon Shaped Ice Cube Tray but they’re now out of stock. That being said, the bidding is hot and heavy at eBay. (click the link above if you MUST have one of these babies.

Product Description:

Silicone mold is perfect for your party needs. Has 7 resevoirs for candy, ice, soap, wax, jell-o. Measures 8 1/4″x3 1/2″ and each resevoir is approx 2 1/4″ long. Not for dishwasher.

 

Bacon Strips Band-Aids

Bacon - BandAidIf I’ve just burned, cut, mashed, or otherwise maimed my finger, I don’t want to look down and see raw meat wrapped around it.

Call me squeamish but that would creep me out.

Product Description:

Ouch. That smarts. Treat your minor cuts, scrapes and scratches with the incredible healing power of a designer bandage.

And if a fancy bandage isn’t enough to dry up your tears, how about a free toy.

Each 3-3/4″ (9.5 cm) tall metal pocket tin contains twenty-five 3″ x 3/4″ (7.6 cm x 1.9 cm) adhesive bandages and a small plastic trinket to help make even the ouchiest owies feel all better in no time.

 

Bacon - Tactical_BassProTactical Bacon

Our own SocialIn Editor, Piper Bayard, turned me on to this one.

She was out shopping at some undisclosed location in Colorado and there was the Tac Back. It’s available on Amazon (hello…what isn’t?) however, the cheapest pricing I’ve seen is at Bass Pro Shops.

Product description:

Its Tactical Bacon in a can. Fully cooked and fully prepared. 10+ year shelf life. Perfect for camping, hunting, zombie standoffs, end of the world scenarios etc. Don’t be caught without Tac Back. Now with more better grammar.

Just one more must-have addition to your Zombie Survival Kit…

 

Bacon Condoms

Available from J&D Foods, the makers of Baconnaise and Bacon Salt, the slogan for Bacon Condoms is: “Make your meat look like meat.” You can get three of these for $9.99.

Bacon - CondomsTheir packaging is brilliant and there were articles on this product everywhere from the Huffington Post to the UK Metro News. I adored the Metro’s opening to their article:

If you fancy a bit of breakfast in bed then the new bacon flavoured condom may be right up your street. J & D’s Foods has decided to follow up its successful bacon lubricant with another product they say is not a porky. The Seattle based company is apparently serious this time round despite the lubricant having been intended as a previous April Fool’s joke.

Product Description:

J&D’s Bacon Condoms™ are proudly Made in America of the highest quality latex. Every Bacon Condom has been rigorously tested to help ensure reliability and the utmost safety for when you’re makin’ Bacon.

As an added bonus, J&D’s baconlube™ ultra premium water based meat flavored personal lubricant has been generously applied inside and out for an even more hot pork experience.

FACT – Each year 5 billion condoms are sold worldwide, 450 million in the US alone and exactly zero look, feel or taste like Bacon – until now.

Which leads us to the #1 OHMIGOD bacon item I’ve found…

 

Bacon - Lube_AmazonBaconLube

I just can’t get excited about “Bacon Flavored Personal Lubricant & Massage Oil.” Breakfast and Bacon? I’m your girl. But nakedness and bacon?? Not so much…

Product Description:

You’ve always been a lover of bacon! Now you can be a bacon lover with baconlube, the world’s first bacon-flavored massage oil & personal lubricant. No more Horrifying bedroom experiments with bacon grease or 3rd degree skillet massage burns. Just keep it Sizzlin with baconlube!

I don’t know about you, but I wasn’t having any “horrifying bedroom experiments.” (None that involved bacon grease or 3rd degree skillet massage burns anyway.) That sounds like an entry for the Darwin Awards.

Which of the above is your favorite OMG Bacon product, or do you have another one to add to our list? Continue the discussion at the #SocialIn hashtag on Twitter or SocialInDC on Facebook.

~ Jenny
@JennyHansenCA

 

About Jenny Hansen

By day, Jenny provides training and social media marketing for an accounting firm. By night she writes humor, memoir, women’s fiction and short stories. After 15 years as a corporate software trainer, she’s delighted to sit down while she works.

When she’s not at her personal blog, More Cowbell, Jenny can be found on Twitter at JennyHansenCA or at Writers In The Storm. Jenny also writes the Risky Baby Business posts at More Cowbell, a series that focuses on babies, new parents and high-risk pregnancy.

© 2013 Jenny Hansen. All content on this page is protected by copyright. If you would like to use any part of this, please contact me at the above links to request permission.


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